From Chaos to Peace
What does it mean to be a family?
How does one family cultivate a calm and easy going dynamic while the next lives in chaos?
What does it take to shift the family paradigm so that there is a sense of peace and unity verses power struggle and conflict?
Is it intention alone, or is there much more depth to crossing the bridge?
Lets explore..
A family is in fact a team.
A team of people varying in age and experience with very specific roles.
How does a family bridge themselves from 2 parents with complete responsiblity for how the team is run to seeing themselves as a team member that is guiding a team to success? How do parent develop a team so that each member contributes willfully with desire and pride?
Lets analyze what makes a team successful?
A team is most successful when every person on the team understands their roles and responsibilities. A team is most successful when each team member is recognized for the value that they bring to the team; providing acknowledgement and validation each member brings and why. A team is most successful when everyone on the team has a say in the way in which the team is run, regardless of the roles they have been designated. These are just a few things that make a team successful, please feel free to add onto the list.
Why is it important that every team member has a say? The reason why it is important is because no matter what age we are, a crying baby to a boastful grandfather, we all JUST WANT TO BE HEARD. Being heard helps us to feel loved, safe, and valued, which is key to our personal development.
Although the family is in fact a team, often it is not regarded or treated like a team. And if it is, it is a team in which there are many struggles; struggles to be heard, struggles for control, and struggles to feel valued which fosters an environment of conflict and chaos. Why does this happen in a family environment? Why does conflict and chaos emerge?
Lets take a moment to look at the dynamics of a business team. When working on a team in which a manager is a dictator or micromanages, how well do the team members fair? When a manager tells you to do something and expects that you jump up from what you are doing without giving an explanation, how do you feel about what is being asked of you?Angry? Resentful? How about when a manager asks you to do something when you are in the middle of something else, something that is of great interest to you or that has a deadline? How about if a manager becomes aggressive with you when you don't do what is being asked? How about when a manager gives a directive and then does not follow through, what is your response the next time a directive is given? How would you (or do you) respond to these things as an adult?
At what point would you start to speak up for yourself? What does it take for you to flex your proverbial muscles to show you are of value? When do you cut the cord and leave the job that has created chaos as it has fragmented your well-being?
How about we flip the coin.. How well do you do when a manager gives you a task with ample notice and an explanation that supports the task to be completed in a specified time frame? How well do you do when working on a team that sits down to discuss the dynamics of the team, to see what is working and what is not so that modifications can be made to support the best interest of the team? How about when a manager acknowledges your contributions to the team, and really makes you feel that you are a valuable member? How about when a manager gives you different options so that you get a choice in some of the responsibilities that you have in your role?
So after looking at a business dynamic, how can that be related to a family dynamic? How do you talk to your child? How do you engage them to get a task done? How do you get them to get it done after you've asked them 3 times? After exploring the manager/employee relationship, how would you feel if your manager spoke to you in the manner in which you engage your child?
Children do not get the option of leaving a team like someone who is working under a boss who exhibits the dominating personality traits mentioned above. Children, no matter what age, have feelings and have the same needs that we do as adults: the need to feel loved, understood, safe, and valued. If those needs are not met, chaos and conflict arise.
Children are incredible mirrors. They do not carry the filter that adults do. When their needs are not being met it gets expressed in dramatic and possibly even explosive ways. This is because they do not have the language to support them through the inner chaos and conflict they are potentially experiencing.
Take in the wisdom that your child/children are sharing about how your team is being run.. At any given moment, you get to decide on how you show up to life and how you are running your team.. Are you showing up the way you want to show up, or is there some way else you'd prefer to dance?