Connection and Compassion
According to L.R. Krost, LOVE stands for:
Listen - “ I hear you.”
Observe- “ I see you.”
Validate - “I accept you.”
Empathize- “ I understand you.”
And this is what we all long for at the core of our humanity.
In every experience we share with our child, we are building the relationship with the adult they are becoming. And so, the more humanity forward we are in our exchanges with them, the greater connection we’re building in our future relationship to them.
We are humans before we are mothers, fathers, children, friends, or the role we hold professionally. When we individuate ourselves from the roles we inhabit, we lean into respecting the humanity of others as we see the vulnerability of our own human self. We all have our personal feelings, individual perceptions, personalized values, and unique problem solving skills that have grown through each life experience we have had. This also needs to include our child’s experiences, as they too are humans before the role they inhabit as our child.
When we acknowledge their personal journey, we are building a more meaningful future where they see themselves as valuable and worthy to contribute to the whole by pure measure that they exist, and not because of the role that they play in our and other’s lives.
I have been asked…. How do we put another’s humanity first if we don’t understand how to even put our own first? I have even asked myself this question many times over.
Connection with oneself grows connection with another.
The greater the connection we build with ourselves the more loving our relationships will become with others as we will cease to rely on their actions to fulfill us, and how especially important this is with context to our children. The expectations we have of how they show up, or haven’t shown up, will be released and acceptance will open up from that space which then allows for ourselves to deepen our trust in them and their inherent wisdom.
Inner connection also allows for time to help identify our personal emotional predictions based on past experiences. Our brains are wired to predict as it takes energy to pay attention. The thing is, not all predictions from the past are indicators of our present or future. An example of this may be that we didn’t feel heard as a child and in turn feel triggered when our child doesn’t listen. When we allow ourselves time to hear our inner voice, we then have the ability to consciously decide if the prediction of our past is still reliable and valuable to our current circumstance.
Inner connection also allows us to take time to understand the values we hold and assess if it is the same or different from the values of our child/children. In order to successfully move through conflict and resolution, it is important to understand what moved us to feel triggered, what value was rubbed up against. Resolve comes from learning how to listen intently and comprehending another’s intention which requires that we have taken the time to listen and understand our own.
We model outwardly the inner environment in which we live.
Practicing self compassion throughout our day is another key ingredient to these future successes. By adding compassion and respecting our own inner voice through listening without judgment, we then build a supportive, compassionate future by how we are communicating and in turn what we are being for our children.